I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
