i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She bit a glass in half.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize