so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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