Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
