I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
