I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
