Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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