Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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