Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
