all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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