Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
