She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
