so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
