Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize