with your own penis?
I wish my penis had an off switch
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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