someone get that fucking seahorse.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I believe in your delicious
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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