drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
