Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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