There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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