thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
