if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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