I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
