woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
