ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
