my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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