So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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