It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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