wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
