these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
