U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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