Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
