I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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