Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
