just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
