May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
