If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
