I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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