Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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