You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
