I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want you more than these girls want KFC
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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