Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
