life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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