I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
