seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
