Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
