ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
