I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
