All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
