I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
