Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
