i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
