but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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