I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
