Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
