someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
