I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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