your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize