I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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