mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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