you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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