So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
