We're like a lot better than the average bears
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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