i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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