so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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