I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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