I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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