i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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