Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
